I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
