Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i just google imaged poop.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
