I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
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someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
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I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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