1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Randomize
