Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
