Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
