I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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