If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
