She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
