So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
