A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
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Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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