My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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