Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
