So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
