This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
