Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
