we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
