The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
