i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
