Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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