You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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