forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
