is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
