his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
