Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
