shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
