I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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