i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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