So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
be right there i have to get my cape
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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