i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
