All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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