this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
