She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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