so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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