Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
