just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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