No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
