Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
