its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
