Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
