Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
