i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
