Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
