I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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