I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
