you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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