just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
