you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
