it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
