what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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