either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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