my sisters under your porch take her home
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
