Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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