you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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