i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
