ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize