I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
