I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
