Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
