Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize