I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
two words: eviction party
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
