Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I need water and some morals
Randomize
