ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
