I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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