He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
