Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
