Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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