Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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