Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
