Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
