We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
