Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
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Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
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It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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