i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
