a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
