It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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