Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
