The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
