We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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