We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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