You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
