He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
