please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
