$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize