I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
