so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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