So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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