why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
